So I was on my YouTube account and I saw that Vat19 uploaded a video of one of their products. I clicked on it and to my amazement there it was, the most amazing product ever. What was it? A 26 lb. gummy bear with a 32 oz. stomach made for filling with snacks or liquuid. I was so overjoyed to buy it, but to my disappointment it was $200. The video was very funny too, had a nice catchy tune to go with it. Vat19 also sells other curiously awesome products, they are well worth checking out if you haven't already.
Here is the web address for the video plus every other one they have uploaded: http://www.youtube.com/user/vat19com
Here is also the web address for my channel which will have all the video's I have made so far on it... As soon as I get to uploading them: http://www.youtube.com/user/Thatcleverkid?feature=mhee
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Why We Talk Back... A parents help book for the teenagers of yours.
As some of you reading this blog may be parents of a pre-teen or teenager, I thought instead of writing about what weird thing goes on in my life, I would try to dapple in the subject of us! And by us, i mean me and my fellow "teeneyboppers". (rule of thumb number one, please do not call us that. It ticks most people off.) PLEASE LET ME REMIND YOU I AM STILL A TEENAGER! WRITING ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND OF COURSE MY PERSPECTIVE ON WHY WE TALK BACK TO OUR PARENTS, THIS DOESN'T GO FOR EVERYONE'S ISSUES WITH THE TOPIC.
I was reading an article on msn today, and it was called "How to get your kids from stop talking back." So I clicked on it. I read the whole dang thing, and I was infuriated by it! The main points as to why we talk back in the first place, is because we were probably spoiled and or raised wrong! BUZZER NOISE! Wrong! So very very wrong! It is not because we are spoiled or raised wrong, well yes for a very small majority of talk-backers those are the reasons. So after reaing that I searched other stories, they all had one thing in common... written by older people who haven't seen their teenage years since poodle skirts were in fashion. Why are you listening to them in the first place? I think it would be much more easier to read it from a kid's perspective. Or to ask your own kid why they talk back. But if you did, then you wouldn't be reading this now would you? In the following paragraphs I'm going to be explaing to you why we talk back. Enjoy :)
REASON 1: Okay so I did kind of an unofficial poll with everyone I know at school (that's a lot btw(by the way)), and the main reason is because, well, sometimes you guys are being unfair. We aren't those gullible little first graders anymore, we know what's fair and what's not. Now some if not all of you are thinking, "What!? Perposterous! I am always fair with my child(ren)" Well let me break it to those of you I'm talking about, your not always.
An example would be, your teen already having made plans (for the pst month, already told you, you gave them permission) to go to the movies with their friends. To make it an even more specific example, let's say the midnight showing of Twilight: Eclipse, but oh what's this? You decide to go hang out with your buds, but in order to do that you will need to have your eldest babysit for the night. Even though they have had this movie planned out for a month, you cancel it just like that. But you argue saying, you've just had the most stressful week ever and need to go out and have fun. Well guess what? It's not our fault that you chose the most stressful job on earth. Going to the midnight premiere showing of Eclipse is a once and a lifetime thing. Never going to happen again. Your kid is only going to remain a kid for a short time, while your moment to live carefree is up. This is our moment. So in reality, your basically stripping them of memories to create and share with their future family. Even though at the time you probably told them, oh well, you can go see it another time with your friends. That doesn't make us feel any better. Now this incident would cause a lot of yelling and screaming things like "this isn't fair!" Now right now, we aren't trying to hide why we're talking back, in fact we are making it so clear, that we are yelling it at you! You weren't being fair. Now you may reply to that by saying something along the lines of "Well life isn't fair." This tactic is a big NONO!
REASON 2: "Well life isn't fair"
I swear this is the most common thing that gets said by the parentals. When you say something like that, when you are clearly being unfair, you are asking for it! In our brains there is a little button that says 'anger button' across it. There are a lot of things that trigger that button, one of the main causers is, the stupid ole saying "Well life's not fair." It's basically like your taunting us, like a bull fighter taunts, well, a bull. You taunt us from far away, but the minute we come at you with the horns, that you provoked, you get all "Don't you dare use that tone with me missy/mister!" It really can't be helped. (Now i may sound like I'm one-sided in this, but let me reassure you, I'm trying my best to be like Switzerland.)
Also, I don't recommend using this line at a young age, because kids learn mainly from what adults do and tell them. Like for instance, with me, I was told a bunch of stuff when I was young, one of them being when I was like 5 or 6. We were watching The Wizard of Oz, and when dorothy said something about Kansas, I asked "Is Kansas a real place?" My mom thinking it was funny, decided to reply "Oh no, Kansas is made up." Yeah it's all fun and games until your in social studies class in 6th grade having to learn the states, and on the test it asks whether the following are true. Uhuh thanks for embarrassing me mother.
The point I'm trying to make, is the fact little kids listen and will believe subconsciously, the stuff you tell them. So by telling them things like, "Life's not fair" at an early age, will really set in the back of their mind for a long time, until you tell them, "oh that's not always neccesarily true', or until they figure it out on their own. But that could really mess up their head a little. Like not expecting to gain much out of life and such. Some of you will probably be thinking this "What the HELLsinki gives you the right to compare two completely different subjects?" (talking about kansas and life's not fair here) But they aren't so completely different after all. Just think of the concept of things your telling your children and it staying in their mind. Yeah that's right, I just made a good point!
REASON 3: There may be some things you do, tht we are discovering tick us off. Now this may sound like a really dumb excuse to talk back or get angry about some things, but it's very solid ground I think. For instance, my dad chews very loudly, and he makes weird sounds that apparently only I can hear. Now I've always been very aware of these noises and I've even joked about it with him. But as I grew older, I realized that it seriously bugs me to no end! I told them about it in a clear adult manner. But what do they say? "Well that's just too dang bad!" Which is why i now get on the computer 5 minutes before they serve dinner, so I don't have to deal with it. If they come in and tell me to get off, I normally make up an excuse like I'm typing a paper, or something relevantly close to that. You may say "Wow kid, you have some issues if your getting a little peeved off from your dad chewing food." But seriously here, that's jus tone of my pet peeves. I would love to eat with my family but apparently wearing headfones is frowned upon in this society. On the days where I have over used the excuse of writing a paper, I actually have to sit at the table and eat with them. This is a position I don't want to really be in for more than 5 minutes, not because i don't love my family, but because of the dang chewing! So to get out of this spot, I shove all the food into my mouth before he sits down and call it good. Or if i'm too late, endure it, and if I end up in this situation I get REALLY crabby. Like seriously, I just want to scream my head off. But I can't, because that's frowned upon in this society too. So I get irritable and cabby. And with my family, that's never a good thing, because they ask a ton of questions. Mom"So darling how was your day?"
me "..."
mom "Ahem"
me "Fine."
mom "What do you mean fine? Didn't anything exciting happen?"
me "no"
mom "Well what you just did nothing all day?"
At this point I'm getting very frustrated so my tone I admit changes, "Fine mom, I went to school, ate lunch,went to class, came home, am currently eating dinner!" Then after saying this I kind of retreat into the back of my head.
mom "Well fine, I guess you won't be doing anything tonight, since your so crabby!"
me thinking "oh that's nice." saying "what!?"
And there you have it. I have told them sooooo many times as to why I am irritable in the evening, yet I still get yelled at. Now I could go on for 37 more paragraphs as to why me and my friends are irritable at others times, but i won't. Too much typing.
REASON 4: You assume things about what we think or do. Okay so as I'm typing this, I hear my dad say "Don't talk back to me like your older sibling does! It's disrespectful to me and your mom. And you have no reason for doing it!" Hahaha silly father, I know what your reading after I post this. My friend told me a perfect example of this.
So she loves her cell phone. If we were stuck in a quicksand pit and she left her phone outside the pit, she would get out, get it and then jump back in. That is how much she loves it. So anyways, she was texting and as she was sliding the keyboard out, it just snapped in half. Now this is where bad timing comes in. The week before a new droid got released, and she had been telling her parents about how she wanted that. They obvioulsy said no, because their plan wasn't up yet for another year. So she goes and shows it to them and what do they assume??? She broke it on purpose to gain the droid phone! Rubbish is what it was! The father got furious and started accusing her for listening to her friends about "purposifully breaking it" to get what she wanted. The mother however was mad about having to pay for a new phone because verizon didn't cover a new substitute for the one she broke or something like that. Anyeays back on track, dad just kept accusing her of doing it on purpose, and boy oh boy she was twice as angry about him doing that as he was for her "doing it on purpose", which she didn't. So yeah, back talking ensued, and there was grounding involved, in a case where there was no need for it. Point is, before you assume things, ask your child for their story. If you still don't believe them, have them come back every hour to tell it to you again. If they can't hold down the story, they are obviously lying.
THE END PARAGRAPH: I used some personnel expierences and my friends personnel expierence in this. I felt like this was a better route then making them up, so if your kid does something similiar to us, then you can kind of get a clue as to why, and trust me, it's not just because they feel like it. Oh let me add one more thing, about the stereotypical image of a teenager. We talk back. Yes. Why? Because we are becoming more aware of things, like fairness, some parents however don't see this and continue to treat us like we can only understand little words. Life isn't fair? We revolt against that saying because it diminshes our understanding of what our right is in the situation, whatever it may be. We get irritable? Yes, we do. Some because they may be having a rough day at school like growing up, or in some cases it's because of what you may be doing that irratate us, even though we have told you once or twice before in a calm manner, hey that kind of bugs me. Yet you continue to assume we do it out of a selfish reason. When in fact there was really no intentional harm towards you. So yeah we talk back, but don't think that all teenagers are like this, some skip this step all together. So I'm not really trying to group everyone together only the % that go i this category. ;) So yeah, if you didn't get any answers from this, then try talking to your kid about it. They want to know why your doing the things your doing too. Whether it be grounding your kid for running through a corn maze and cutting a corner at the wrong place at the wrong time, which wasn't a big deal by the way, the corn cops over reacted. Or just saying something like you can't go to that party because I said so. Well tell them why you grounded them when noone else's parents did and forgave their child, or why you won't let them go to that party. If you tell them why you won't let them go to that party, and you get a response like "Don't you trust me? You need to be able to trust me and that i'll be able to make the right desicions if a situation comes up." If you have no idea how to answer that without getting back talking, I suggest you wathc the 2011 halloween episode of The Middle (on abc).
Yep so that's it for today, signing off...
-Thatcleverkid
I was reading an article on msn today, and it was called "How to get your kids from stop talking back." So I clicked on it. I read the whole dang thing, and I was infuriated by it! The main points as to why we talk back in the first place, is because we were probably spoiled and or raised wrong! BUZZER NOISE! Wrong! So very very wrong! It is not because we are spoiled or raised wrong, well yes for a very small majority of talk-backers those are the reasons. So after reaing that I searched other stories, they all had one thing in common... written by older people who haven't seen their teenage years since poodle skirts were in fashion. Why are you listening to them in the first place? I think it would be much more easier to read it from a kid's perspective. Or to ask your own kid why they talk back. But if you did, then you wouldn't be reading this now would you? In the following paragraphs I'm going to be explaing to you why we talk back. Enjoy :)
REASON 1: Okay so I did kind of an unofficial poll with everyone I know at school (that's a lot btw(by the way)), and the main reason is because, well, sometimes you guys are being unfair. We aren't those gullible little first graders anymore, we know what's fair and what's not. Now some if not all of you are thinking, "What!? Perposterous! I am always fair with my child(ren)" Well let me break it to those of you I'm talking about, your not always.
An example would be, your teen already having made plans (for the pst month, already told you, you gave them permission) to go to the movies with their friends. To make it an even more specific example, let's say the midnight showing of Twilight: Eclipse, but oh what's this? You decide to go hang out with your buds, but in order to do that you will need to have your eldest babysit for the night. Even though they have had this movie planned out for a month, you cancel it just like that. But you argue saying, you've just had the most stressful week ever and need to go out and have fun. Well guess what? It's not our fault that you chose the most stressful job on earth. Going to the midnight premiere showing of Eclipse is a once and a lifetime thing. Never going to happen again. Your kid is only going to remain a kid for a short time, while your moment to live carefree is up. This is our moment. So in reality, your basically stripping them of memories to create and share with their future family. Even though at the time you probably told them, oh well, you can go see it another time with your friends. That doesn't make us feel any better. Now this incident would cause a lot of yelling and screaming things like "this isn't fair!" Now right now, we aren't trying to hide why we're talking back, in fact we are making it so clear, that we are yelling it at you! You weren't being fair. Now you may reply to that by saying something along the lines of "Well life isn't fair." This tactic is a big NONO!
REASON 2: "Well life isn't fair"
I swear this is the most common thing that gets said by the parentals. When you say something like that, when you are clearly being unfair, you are asking for it! In our brains there is a little button that says 'anger button' across it. There are a lot of things that trigger that button, one of the main causers is, the stupid ole saying "Well life's not fair." It's basically like your taunting us, like a bull fighter taunts, well, a bull. You taunt us from far away, but the minute we come at you with the horns, that you provoked, you get all "Don't you dare use that tone with me missy/mister!" It really can't be helped. (Now i may sound like I'm one-sided in this, but let me reassure you, I'm trying my best to be like Switzerland.)
Also, I don't recommend using this line at a young age, because kids learn mainly from what adults do and tell them. Like for instance, with me, I was told a bunch of stuff when I was young, one of them being when I was like 5 or 6. We were watching The Wizard of Oz, and when dorothy said something about Kansas, I asked "Is Kansas a real place?" My mom thinking it was funny, decided to reply "Oh no, Kansas is made up." Yeah it's all fun and games until your in social studies class in 6th grade having to learn the states, and on the test it asks whether the following are true. Uhuh thanks for embarrassing me mother.
The point I'm trying to make, is the fact little kids listen and will believe subconsciously, the stuff you tell them. So by telling them things like, "Life's not fair" at an early age, will really set in the back of their mind for a long time, until you tell them, "oh that's not always neccesarily true', or until they figure it out on their own. But that could really mess up their head a little. Like not expecting to gain much out of life and such. Some of you will probably be thinking this "What the HELLsinki gives you the right to compare two completely different subjects?" (talking about kansas and life's not fair here) But they aren't so completely different after all. Just think of the concept of things your telling your children and it staying in their mind. Yeah that's right, I just made a good point!
REASON 3: There may be some things you do, tht we are discovering tick us off. Now this may sound like a really dumb excuse to talk back or get angry about some things, but it's very solid ground I think. For instance, my dad chews very loudly, and he makes weird sounds that apparently only I can hear. Now I've always been very aware of these noises and I've even joked about it with him. But as I grew older, I realized that it seriously bugs me to no end! I told them about it in a clear adult manner. But what do they say? "Well that's just too dang bad!" Which is why i now get on the computer 5 minutes before they serve dinner, so I don't have to deal with it. If they come in and tell me to get off, I normally make up an excuse like I'm typing a paper, or something relevantly close to that. You may say "Wow kid, you have some issues if your getting a little peeved off from your dad chewing food." But seriously here, that's jus tone of my pet peeves. I would love to eat with my family but apparently wearing headfones is frowned upon in this society. On the days where I have over used the excuse of writing a paper, I actually have to sit at the table and eat with them. This is a position I don't want to really be in for more than 5 minutes, not because i don't love my family, but because of the dang chewing! So to get out of this spot, I shove all the food into my mouth before he sits down and call it good. Or if i'm too late, endure it, and if I end up in this situation I get REALLY crabby. Like seriously, I just want to scream my head off. But I can't, because that's frowned upon in this society too. So I get irritable and cabby. And with my family, that's never a good thing, because they ask a ton of questions. Mom"So darling how was your day?"
me "..."
mom "Ahem"
me "Fine."
mom "What do you mean fine? Didn't anything exciting happen?"
me "no"
mom "Well what you just did nothing all day?"
At this point I'm getting very frustrated so my tone I admit changes, "Fine mom, I went to school, ate lunch,went to class, came home, am currently eating dinner!" Then after saying this I kind of retreat into the back of my head.
mom "Well fine, I guess you won't be doing anything tonight, since your so crabby!"
me thinking "oh that's nice." saying "what!?"
And there you have it. I have told them sooooo many times as to why I am irritable in the evening, yet I still get yelled at. Now I could go on for 37 more paragraphs as to why me and my friends are irritable at others times, but i won't. Too much typing.
REASON 4: You assume things about what we think or do. Okay so as I'm typing this, I hear my dad say "Don't talk back to me like your older sibling does! It's disrespectful to me and your mom. And you have no reason for doing it!" Hahaha silly father, I know what your reading after I post this. My friend told me a perfect example of this.
So she loves her cell phone. If we were stuck in a quicksand pit and she left her phone outside the pit, she would get out, get it and then jump back in. That is how much she loves it. So anyways, she was texting and as she was sliding the keyboard out, it just snapped in half. Now this is where bad timing comes in. The week before a new droid got released, and she had been telling her parents about how she wanted that. They obvioulsy said no, because their plan wasn't up yet for another year. So she goes and shows it to them and what do they assume??? She broke it on purpose to gain the droid phone! Rubbish is what it was! The father got furious and started accusing her for listening to her friends about "purposifully breaking it" to get what she wanted. The mother however was mad about having to pay for a new phone because verizon didn't cover a new substitute for the one she broke or something like that. Anyeays back on track, dad just kept accusing her of doing it on purpose, and boy oh boy she was twice as angry about him doing that as he was for her "doing it on purpose", which she didn't. So yeah, back talking ensued, and there was grounding involved, in a case where there was no need for it. Point is, before you assume things, ask your child for their story. If you still don't believe them, have them come back every hour to tell it to you again. If they can't hold down the story, they are obviously lying.
THE END PARAGRAPH: I used some personnel expierences and my friends personnel expierence in this. I felt like this was a better route then making them up, so if your kid does something similiar to us, then you can kind of get a clue as to why, and trust me, it's not just because they feel like it. Oh let me add one more thing, about the stereotypical image of a teenager. We talk back. Yes. Why? Because we are becoming more aware of things, like fairness, some parents however don't see this and continue to treat us like we can only understand little words. Life isn't fair? We revolt against that saying because it diminshes our understanding of what our right is in the situation, whatever it may be. We get irritable? Yes, we do. Some because they may be having a rough day at school like growing up, or in some cases it's because of what you may be doing that irratate us, even though we have told you once or twice before in a calm manner, hey that kind of bugs me. Yet you continue to assume we do it out of a selfish reason. When in fact there was really no intentional harm towards you. So yeah we talk back, but don't think that all teenagers are like this, some skip this step all together. So I'm not really trying to group everyone together only the % that go i this category. ;) So yeah, if you didn't get any answers from this, then try talking to your kid about it. They want to know why your doing the things your doing too. Whether it be grounding your kid for running through a corn maze and cutting a corner at the wrong place at the wrong time, which wasn't a big deal by the way, the corn cops over reacted. Or just saying something like you can't go to that party because I said so. Well tell them why you grounded them when noone else's parents did and forgave their child, or why you won't let them go to that party. If you tell them why you won't let them go to that party, and you get a response like "Don't you trust me? You need to be able to trust me and that i'll be able to make the right desicions if a situation comes up." If you have no idea how to answer that without getting back talking, I suggest you wathc the 2011 halloween episode of The Middle (on abc).
Yep so that's it for today, signing off...
-Thatcleverkid
Monday, October 24, 2011
According To My Mom...We Almost Died
As some of you may know, I am not a morning person. What am I saying? None of you know me, if you do, then why aren't you following the rules of that restraining order I had placed on you?
I awoke from my humble bed at like 4:00 a.m. IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING! Feeling a bit nauseous and smelling the smell of rotten eggs. My first thought being, "Oh crap, what did I leave in my room." Which wasn't really a question, more of a statement that needed to be stated. After looking around a bit, I came upon the conclusion that the foul smell was not emitting from my room, but rather upstairs. So I go to the bathroom, then go back to sleep. Which btw was udderly pointless, because 30 minutes later my mother was yelling like she found out I killed someone and stuffed them in our freezer. "What's that smell?!?!?" Gregory get up here now! What's that smell?!?" Those were all the things I heard before anyone helped my mother calm down. Which wasn't me, I was still trying to get some sleep.
I re-awoke at 7:30 becase it was freezing cold and I swear my feet turned into fudgecicles for a minute. So took the quickest shower in history, got dressed, ate breakfast, then went upstairs to see if my mother was still having a cow. "Did you know someone left the burner on the stove on all night?" she asked.
"uh, no." I retorted.
"well they did. We all could of died from poisining." My mumsy states.
"mother, it's still very early. I'd rather not think about how I almost died in my sleep."
"This is something to be taken seriously! Do you find it funny that wahwahwahwawhwha..." It was at this time that I just zoned out from what she was saying, grabbed my wallet and went on my merry way.
Just a fact, but when your mother is having a cow about something, just go along with it, because if you don't, it will come and nip you in the butt.
School was over and I came back home. There was a tray of freshly baked muffins sitting ontop of the stove. "Hey mom, I'm gonna go change into my running stuff. Can you get me a muffin and put it in a ziploc please?"
"yeah yeah" she says.
So I go into my room and change, put deoderant on and all that jazz. I come back upstairs grab my muffin-in-a-bag and start filling up my waterbottle.
"Thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mom, thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mother thank you for the muffin!"
"huh?"
At this point I'm getting cheesed off, so I go to the door do a dramatic turn around and say very loudly, "Mother! I Appreciate This Muffin Upon Which You Put Into This Here Ziploc Baggy!"
"Well you know what? I don't have to stand here and tolerate this tone your using with me." She got up and walked away. Leaving me standing there baffled not sure what to say or do. So I just walk out into the car and drive off.
I came back only to find her furious with me still. My dad finally comes home and gets yelled at by her and I'm just sitting there smiling like there's no tomorrow. Probably not the best way to go about it, but hey, finally someone other than me for a change.
My mom explained to me later on, that she was still mad about this morning. Gosh, holding onto grudges a little too much?
I awoke from my humble bed at like 4:00 a.m. IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING! Feeling a bit nauseous and smelling the smell of rotten eggs. My first thought being, "Oh crap, what did I leave in my room." Which wasn't really a question, more of a statement that needed to be stated. After looking around a bit, I came upon the conclusion that the foul smell was not emitting from my room, but rather upstairs. So I go to the bathroom, then go back to sleep. Which btw was udderly pointless, because 30 minutes later my mother was yelling like she found out I killed someone and stuffed them in our freezer. "What's that smell?!?!?" Gregory get up here now! What's that smell?!?" Those were all the things I heard before anyone helped my mother calm down. Which wasn't me, I was still trying to get some sleep.
I re-awoke at 7:30 becase it was freezing cold and I swear my feet turned into fudgecicles for a minute. So took the quickest shower in history, got dressed, ate breakfast, then went upstairs to see if my mother was still having a cow. "Did you know someone left the burner on the stove on all night?" she asked.
"uh, no." I retorted.
"well they did. We all could of died from poisining." My mumsy states.
"mother, it's still very early. I'd rather not think about how I almost died in my sleep."
"This is something to be taken seriously! Do you find it funny that wahwahwahwawhwha..." It was at this time that I just zoned out from what she was saying, grabbed my wallet and went on my merry way.
Just a fact, but when your mother is having a cow about something, just go along with it, because if you don't, it will come and nip you in the butt.
School was over and I came back home. There was a tray of freshly baked muffins sitting ontop of the stove. "Hey mom, I'm gonna go change into my running stuff. Can you get me a muffin and put it in a ziploc please?"
"yeah yeah" she says.
So I go into my room and change, put deoderant on and all that jazz. I come back upstairs grab my muffin-in-a-bag and start filling up my waterbottle.
"Thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mom, thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mother thank you for the muffin!"
"huh?"
At this point I'm getting cheesed off, so I go to the door do a dramatic turn around and say very loudly, "Mother! I Appreciate This Muffin Upon Which You Put Into This Here Ziploc Baggy!"
"Well you know what? I don't have to stand here and tolerate this tone your using with me." She got up and walked away. Leaving me standing there baffled not sure what to say or do. So I just walk out into the car and drive off.
I came back only to find her furious with me still. My dad finally comes home and gets yelled at by her and I'm just sitting there smiling like there's no tomorrow. Probably not the best way to go about it, but hey, finally someone other than me for a change.
My mom explained to me later on, that she was still mad about this morning. Gosh, holding onto grudges a little too much?
Probably My Best Work Yet...
I realize I haven't posted anything in awhile, but i've been busy with training for this 1/2 marathon my aunt talked me into doing. For those of you who don't know how long that is, and believe me it is LONG, it's 13 miles. Holy buckets man! At the moment I can run 3 miles without stopping, so that's a start right? Anyways, I recently wrote a paper for honors english... that I'm not in. My friend told me to do it for no apparent reason, so I did. Here it is.
(Insert Essay Name Here)
By (insert my name here)
6th hour (not really, maybe, somewhat...)
To whom it may concern...
Hello dearest reader. How are you? That's great to hear. (If you are not feeling peachy as an apple, please disregard the previous statement.) I just wanted to let you know, that out of all the essays you picked up, I'm glad you chose mine. Really I have this touched deeply feeling in- oh wait no, that was a burp. Soooooo I don't know what rubric I'm supposed to using for this, let alone what it's supposed to be written about. I think I'll just let my mind wander and conjure up some stories if that's okay with you valued reader.
You know what? I'm gonna give you advice on how to meditate and clear your mind. (clears throat) Okay so lay/lie on your stomach. (I've never understood which word is proper to use in this case) Now chant these words out loud. Seriously, chant them out loud while reading this. Im-on-e-dee-yot. Chant faster. IM-ON-E-DEE-YOT! Faster! No, no, no, much faster than that. ROFL. I just made you call yourself an idiot :) All in good humor of course, I don't really think your an idiot. Next clear your mind of all negative thoughts like the fact you left the bath water running and you're going to end up flooding your house. Or that the debt crises just keeps getting worse and worse each passing day. Breathe in... Now out. Picture yourself standing in a meadow, with long, flowing, green grass. Where we live there are a bunch of snakes. So don't think about how just standing in the meadow, you're putting yourself in danger of getting bitten by snakes. My friend just informed me that me talking about snakes biting you, has probably made you think of snakes biting you. To make that better picture yourself with a can of snake repellant. Spray it all around. Bye-bye snakes, you won't be biting us today. Now your floating above the grand canyon. Don't think about how much it would hurt to fall down the big, rocky, BIG, grand canyon... At most you would have a VERY MINOR case, of serious neck injuries. Breathe in... and out. Now you're at a bridge that leads to happiness. Of course you can't cross the bridge because of the scary troll that lives underneath. So for now until you think of a way to get rid of the troll, you will only be able to stare at the bridge... but what's this? The magical (and real) Santa Clause has given you a bazooka. Now you can cross the bridge to happiness without worrying about the troll. You will only have the guilty conscience of knowing you killed the troll who never did anything to harm you. *tisk tisk tisk* Now don't you feel better after doing that meditation?
Humhumhum. You know that song "Friday" by Rebecca Black? I was listening to that song today and immediately my brain had a brilliant idea for a story. Do you want to hear it? Oh no I couldn't possibly. Well if you insist.
It was a dark and stormy night in the middle of October. The night seamed to howl the words, 'Carol! Where's my 2% milk?!' Turns out it was Mr. Wheedle yelling at his wife to bring him his 2% milk. It was quiet within the house. The girl stood at her window, gazing into the stormy clouds. Her mind fixated on that one question, no one could ever seem to answer for her. What are the handles for corn on the cob called? She always pondered this, but no one ever knew the answer. She thought about this for two more minutes before finally deciding to sit down and watch Jersey Shore.
As she watched, she began to think of other questions like, how come the cameras are already in the cabs before they ever get in? Why do Ronnie and Sam continue to say "things will be different. I won't be that person in Jersey. "? When in fact they are still that person from Jersey, still on a show called Jersey Shore. *Why are they still together? *(status of subject to change often)
Her thoughts were then interrupted by a knock at the door. She got up and opened it. It was the Pizza Hut delivery guy
"That'll be $15.67." He said.
The girl gave him the money, took the pizza, sat her tuccas down on the couch, and munched away on pepperoni pizza. After she got done she brushed her teeth, and went to bed.
The End.
That isn't really the story I think of when I hear the song "Friday". That's actually how my night went. When you order from Pizza Hut, make sure you say something along the lines of, "Yes, and I would also like extra pepperoni." If you don't then they will hand you a box filled with cheese pizza, and a light sprinkle of pepperoni! Seriously I hate that so much. When you ask for a type of pizza, they need to make it distinctively clear that it has the topping you want on it. But I digress.
The story I think of when I hear "Friday", goes something like this.
I knew my day was going to stink, when Bethany pushed me out of the 7th story window.
The End.
I don't want to sound mean but that's seriously what I thought of. I personally don't believe that singing is her call to life. It's probably something like being a peach vendor, or the actors who get to be real life people in remakes you find on discovery channel. But what do I know?
It has occurred to me that you may not remember who I am, or what hour you have me in. Well don't feel bad, I don't even have you as a teacher. A friend of mine told me to do this. Forced me actually. I won't name names, but it rhymes with Dayla Kice. *Cough switch the D and K cough!* If you want to continue reading, by all means, go ahead, who's stopping you? Maybe under the circumstances that mischievous Dayla Kice, is forcing you to stop reading this well written, master piece of an essay. But I'm not stalking you, so I don't know. What your about to read is my real story, about the song Friday.
It all went wrong that fateful day, when the protesters overthrew the government. They shouted out, "THE RENT IS TOO (beavers) DAMM HIGH!" Obama was last seen heading into a cave where it is rumored he will live for the duration of this apocalyptic state.
For forty days and forty nights, we went without government people yelling at us to pay outrageously high taxes. At first it seemed like heaven, but it quickly became Helsinki on earth. Literally. The devil unleashed his fiendish ghouls upon what used to be, the wonderful land of America, and became Sarah Palin's opponent for the 2012 election. The people gladly voted in Sarah Palin's favor. But the day of the inauguration she went "missing". The Russians were very happy about that, because now they could go about their business without having her staring at them from her house.
The Devil became President in her place. He imposed new laws like you must sign a contract with your soul if you want to shop for groceries. Nobody liked that law at all.
Everyone lived in fear of him. Until one day, a brave warrior from Canada came over. The brave warrior challenged the Devil to a rock paper scissors contest. The winner would get to choose where the loser ended up. The Devil readily accepted. They both shook hands and began their duel. Brave warrior from Canada got the first point, with the Devil coming from behind to tie the game. It was down to the last point. They both began the rock paper scissors chant, when all of a sudden a person from the peanut gallery, slingshot a pineapple instantly knocking out Devil.
The people then strapped him onto a rocket sending him into space. Forever. Never to return. As the rocket left the earth's atmosphere, the song "still alive" from portal could be heard playing in the background.
The End.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Reasons to Read This Blog.
HELLO to all you out there in blogger land. How are you? That's great to hear. I just wanted to write a little post as to why you won't regret reading this blog. Out of all the blogs you could have chosen to read, I'm touched deeply that you chose mine to read first. Really I am. I have this touched deeply feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh wait, nope, that's just indegestion.
I should probably go get some tums after typing this. I wonder if I should get the mint or the fruity flavored ones. You know dearest reader, I never understood as to why companies made fruit flavored medicine things. You feel sick to your stomach, so why would you want to eat something fruity? It would make more sense to just make it a minty or peppermint flavor. Speaking of which have you had pepto-bismol before? What kind of a question is this, everyone's had pepto-bismol at some point in their life. Anyways, they make it to where it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad. When your stomach feels like someone stuck a gallon of sour milk in it, the last thing you want is something that looks, smells, and tastes bad. It is just insane I tell you! Hold on, I feel like I've gone off course a little here.
Anywho, you should read this blog because you will find an assortment of things. Such as, shenanigans, near death expieriences, randomness, words, more words, and even a little joy from knowing your not the only one who's done something like that.
I should probably go get some tums after typing this. I wonder if I should get the mint or the fruity flavored ones. You know dearest reader, I never understood as to why companies made fruit flavored medicine things. You feel sick to your stomach, so why would you want to eat something fruity? It would make more sense to just make it a minty or peppermint flavor. Speaking of which have you had pepto-bismol before? What kind of a question is this, everyone's had pepto-bismol at some point in their life. Anyways, they make it to where it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad. When your stomach feels like someone stuck a gallon of sour milk in it, the last thing you want is something that looks, smells, and tastes bad. It is just insane I tell you! Hold on, I feel like I've gone off course a little here.
Anywho, you should read this blog because you will find an assortment of things. Such as, shenanigans, near death expieriences, randomness, words, more words, and even a little joy from knowing your not the only one who's done something like that.
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