According To My Mom...We Almost Died

As some of you may know, I am not a morning person.  What am I saying?  None of you know me, if you do, then why aren't you following the rules of that restraining order I had placed on you? 
      I awoke from my humble bed at like 4:00 a.m. IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING!  Feeling a bit nauseous and smelling the smell of rotten eggs.  My first thought being, "Oh crap, what did I leave in my room."  Which wasn't really a question, more of a statement that needed to be stated.  After looking around a bit, I came upon the conclusion that the foul smell was not emitting from my room, but rather upstairs.  So I go to the bathroom, then go back to sleep.  Which btw was udderly pointless, because 30 minutes later my mother was yelling like she found out I killed someone and stuffed them in our freezer.  "What's that smell?!?!?"  Gregory get up here now! What's that smell?!?" Those were all the things I heard before anyone helped my mother calm down.  Which wasn't me, I was still trying to get some sleep. 
      I re-awoke at 7:30 becase it was freezing cold and I swear my feet turned into fudgecicles for a minute.  So took the quickest shower in history, got dressed, ate breakfast, then went upstairs to see if my mother was still having a cow.  "Did you know someone left the burner on the stove on all night?" she asked.
     "uh, no." I retorted.
     "well they did. We all could of died from poisining." My mumsy states.
    "mother, it's still very early.  I'd rather not think about how I almost died in my sleep."
      "This is something to be taken seriously!  Do you find it funny that wahwahwahwawhwha..."  It was at this time that I just zoned out from what she was saying, grabbed my wallet and went on my merry way.

  Just a fact, but when your mother is having a cow about something, just go along with it, because if you don't, it will come and nip you in the butt.

      School was over and I came back home.  There was a tray of freshly baked muffins sitting ontop of the stove.  "Hey mom, I'm gonna go change into my running stuff.  Can you get me a muffin and put it in a ziploc please?"
"yeah yeah" she says.
So I go into my room and change, put deoderant on and all that jazz.  I come back upstairs grab my muffin-in-a-bag and start filling up my waterbottle.
"Thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mom, thanks for the muffin."
"..."
"mother thank you for the muffin!"
"huh?"
At this point I'm getting cheesed off,  so I go to the door do a dramatic turn around and say very loudly, "Mother!  I Appreciate This Muffin Upon Which You Put Into This Here Ziploc Baggy!"
"Well you know what?  I don't have to stand here and tolerate this tone your using with me."  She got up and walked away.  Leaving me standing there baffled not sure what to say or do.  So I just walk out into the car and drive off.
   I came back only to find her furious with me still.  My dad finally comes home and gets yelled at by her and I'm just sitting there smiling like there's no tomorrow.  Probably not the best way to go about it, but hey, finally someone other than me for a change.
   My mom explained to me later on, that she was still mad about this morning.  Gosh, holding onto grudges a little too much?