Poison Cooking!

        How many of you have ever played any of the Kingdom Hearts games?  Well you know how in, I think the 2nd one, the two dudes eat sea-salt ice-cream and talk about how yummy it is?  Well I found a video on how to make it on YouTube. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m927ZAEQg5Y) And since I had absolutly nothing to do I made seasalt icecream. 
        In the video the girl says something about whipping the egg whites till its firm... had absolutly no idea as to what she meant by that, so I just whipped them for 10 minutes. Boy o' boy did those things get fluffy.          After that the girl said the recipe called for a cream.  Didn't have any, so I substituted coffee creamer in for it. Big no no. Coffee creamer is not the same thing as cream.
       She also said to put just enough salt in it so it's salty but still sweat.  As I was pouring it, the lid fell off dumping in a a bunch of salt.  Yeah, you weren't going to be able to taste any sweetness whatsoever.
       Then I had to put in a vanilla extract,  I couldn't find any so instead I put in pure mint extract.  That stuff is so strong to the point of where I had to plug my nose.
        Sooner or later it was time for the food coloring, to make it look blueygreenerish.  When I was putting the drops in they looked so small compared to the mixture, so I poured in the whole container of blue and yellow.  After stirring it, I came to the conclusion that I probably didn't need to put that much food coloring in. It looked like the Jolly Green Giant threw up in a bowl.  Despite what it looked like, I still ended up putting it in the freezer over night.
        Today I was the first of my family and friends to try it, so I took a big spoonfull and put it in my mouth.  I got some good news and bad news.  Well actually good news and 2 bad news'. Bad news is it triggers your gag reflex.  2nd bad news if you have the guts to swallow it, it makes you deathly ill.  Seriously, i was puking for what seemed hours.  Good news is, if we ever need to imobilize the enemy just give them each a complimentary bowl of seasalt icecream and that should take care of everything.  

spatula on fire!

              I woke up today like I do every other day feeling completely famished.  So in order to get my tummy to stop moaning, I arouse from my bed and went into the kitchen to fix an omelet.  I got all the supplies out for making omelets, and quickly began preparing my meal.
              It soon came time for the flipping stage, so I picked up my spatula that was sitting next to the burner, only to find it on fire.  It freaked me out quite a bit actually.  I was running back and forth and frantically turning around in circles.  I then had a type of, epiphany, you could say.  I ran outside and turned on the hose full blast while still wearing my pajamas.  It was a rare sight you don't see everyday folks. All my neighbors were looking at me weird, it was a bit embarrassing. After coming inside, I looked over the burnt part and found some type of greasy stuff on it. 93% sure it came from the non-stick pam I sprayed on the frying pan.  7% sure that my brother put gasoline on the end of it just to make some type of entertainment for him to watch in the morning.
Lesson learned from this... Turn off the stove before panicking so your omelet doesn't end up burnt.

Why I didn't finish my history project.

            Okay so today I was going through some files on my computer, and I came across an old essay I had written in eigth grade for history class.  I had written it explaining as to why I had turned in my project two weeks late, and why it wasn't my fault for doing so.  Without further ado here it is... (sorry it's so long to make up for it there's a surprise at the end)


 

Why I Didn't Finish Essay

 

            You are probably wondering why I didn't turn in my history project on time. Am I right?  Well if I'm right, let me tell you whose fault it is, because in a way, it isn't mine.  It's the Fed-ex guys fault!  Now let me tell you why it's his fault, starting from the beginning.  Here I am at the mail box getting out my new Softball Sales Magazine, just waiting to see what's new inside. So I open the magazine to find they got the new resistance parachutes designed to help you gain speed for running and whatnot . I then rushed inside to get my money, then ran my little heart out up the stairs to the computer room, which was where my dad was sitting. I told him how much I needed it before soccer or track starts.  My dad then orders it and puts it on rush delivery, so it should've been here any day after that right? (insert buzzer noise here) Wrong!  It got here two weeks after we ordered it.  Now right about now you are probably wondering what this has to do with me not doing my project.  Well this is how, if I got that on time I could have ceased my excitement about using it with still plenty of time for the project.  So since it came late, I was distracted from doing homework, and why?  Because the Fed-ex guy dropped off the parachute too late.  Yes I could have used it after I was done with the project, but then it loses its touch of new and exciting, you know what I mean?  That was poor deciding on my part.  Never again will I let the powerful, mystical, athletic, and intriguing ways of a resistance parachute over whelm me with its awesomeness ever again.  But let's not forget who's real fault it was... the Fed-ex guy. 

            Now there was more than one participant in me not doing the project. The other fault is none other than, the internet!  I know I had all of my research in my history book, but it didn't have everything I needed to describe thoroughly with geography and stuff like that.  So I had a good reason to be on the internet. The reason I didn't finish is, because when I turn on my computer the news of the day pops up.  When it popped up it had 10 weird jobs that pay 100,000 dollars.  I was fascinated by it, so I clicked on it. Let me tell you this, it wasn't that great, a waste of my time really, although I did learn that people get paid 100,000 dollars to put on scuba gear and retrieve golf balls out of ponds. 

            Now after that let down, I went back to researching, and I stumbled upon a great information website.  As I was scrolling down I saw this ad that said, "are you smarter than Miley Cyrus?"  So of course I clicked on it.  That was a total let down too, only because I had to give out personal information.  I never did find out if I was smarter than her.  I went back to researching after the incident, only to stumble across a fantastic website chalk full of information.  I then clicked on the link and as I was reading the first line a thing pops up on my computer saying "send this song to your cell-phone."  Now that left me thinking

"What song are you people talking about?  It sure can't be the

information I'm reading, because I am positive that won't make the top ten list of

anything."  

            Towards the end of this little adventure, I tried to look-up facts about the cascades. As I was looking this up an ad for Yolk's Market just out of nowhere pops up, saying something about buy a papaya get a pineapple free.  Now dear reader, let us reflect upon what the topic of the page is, and what it has to do with free pineapples... Hmmm. Nothing. I mean really, who is going to be looking up stuff about the cascades, sees the ad, and gets up just to get a free pineapple if you buy a papaya.  I personally think they should put that ad on a their own website. Sooooo in a nutshell, that ad distracted me from doing the work I needed to do.

            Okay so right now I have to tell you a secret.  Those reasons you just read, were just the minor reasons. Yes that's right, there was even a bigger culprit involved!  That culprits name is... Jacquelyn.  Yes I know, I know, "she's your friend, why would she make it so you couldn't finish your project?" and " She doesn't look like she could hurt a fly." Well guess what dear reader? She did make it so I didn't finish, it was all part of her evil diabolical plan to make it so I would listen or do whatever she was saying at the time.  (Which would have me distracted from doing my work.)  Even if I try my hardest to avoid doing what she says, she finds a way , because that's just the type of dark, twisted genius  Jacquelyn is.  You would think that me not sitting next to her would make it easier for me right? Wrong, she still has me doing all the stuff she had me do in the past, eating all her mints, asking her for jolly ranchers, using up all her hand sanitizer, having her sharpen my pencil, putting my belongings in her locker for the longest time because mine is full. Only this time she's making it a lot harder, by slapping me whenever I try to use up the hand sanitizer, making me sharpen my own pencil, and keeping an eye on me whenever I'm near her locker.  She's also tried to convince me to stop doing all this stuff for her, and saying that maybe I'm going a little too far. Gosh, make the victim seem like the crazy one.  But I know that deep down inside, she really wants me to do all those favors for her.

  It's a bunny rabbit! ->     (\_/)
                                      (='.'=)
                                    c(")_(")